They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize