cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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