He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
