I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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