Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
