feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you never un-have a 4some
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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