Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
