Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize