I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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