How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
