all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
