Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
