I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
