Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
