The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
