that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize