I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
