The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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