it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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