I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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