i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Randomize
