I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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