actually, I'm a sock model
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
