i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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