So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
