just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
