So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
