Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
