I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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