drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize