i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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