just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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