Where did you get a picture of my penis
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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