Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
