I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
