Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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