Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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