oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
