He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
