look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
