I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dick very happy bro
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
