I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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