My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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