Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
