Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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