I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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