i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
