I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
