you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
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