do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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