i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
