just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
