The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
