I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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