he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We need a shit load of segways right now
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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