Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
