So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
