His pubic hair was longer than his dick
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
