apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
