What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
