Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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