I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
