Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
