Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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