dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize