that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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