Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
