All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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